The porn factor
American porn star Ron Jeremy, who has appeared in more than 2000 porn videos.
"The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting." - Gloria Leonard
It was famed feminist Erica Jong who once said, "My reaction to porn films is as follows: after the first 10 minutes, I want to go home and screw. After the first 20 minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live."
Yet it seems the majority of modern blokes don't exactly share her sentiment. Even Time magazine went so far as to describe the current international affection for watching two strangers having sex (or feigning a bonk) in hash lighting as "the porn factor", going so far as to blame it for "colouring relationships, both long- and short-term, reshaping expectations about sex and body image and, most worrisome of all, threatening to alter how young people learn about sex".
True, these days it's more accessible, affordable and anonymous than ever before, but is it really "the crack cocaine of sexual addiction" as Jennifer Schneider, co-author of Cybersex Exposed: Simple Fantasy Or Obsession? told Time?
According to a particularly prudish girlfriend of mine, it is indeed. While she was perusing her boyfriend's computer, she came across a bunch of unsavory bookmarked websites and completely freaked out ...
more- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
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The Ex-Files
Exes have long been problematic. You date them, do them, get dumped by them and take forever to get over them. When you eventually find the strength to delete them from your Facebook, quit stalking their co-workers and finally start dating other people, it's like they suddenly sense you've moved on and come running back. But it's not that they want you back. It's just that they don't want anyone else to have you.
Hence they besiege your new relationships; rip open old wounds whenever they sense you're vulnerable, and force you to consider getting back together with them for one last shag, even though they just broke your heart into a million pieces and your swore you'd never so much as look in their direction again, let alone contemplate swapping spit.
Of course you quickly realise the only reason they're even talking to you again is that their current relationship (probably the one they dumped you for), is going down the gurgler faster than Jessica Simpson's singing career, and the one person they reckon they can count on is their lovable ex: you ...
more- Posted by Samantha Brett at 6:13 PM
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What's the best age for sex?
When Billy Crystal once mused, "Women need a reason to have sex ... men just need a place," he was obviously unfamiliar with the concept of a man's waning libido and diminishing sex drive.
Because we all know that, when it comes to age and sex drive, some blokes are more amorous, frisky and sexually charged than others. Hence not all blokes "just need a place" to get off, but require visual stimulation, a load of warming up or even a little blue pill to get them going. Oh, and age matters.
Lately there's been a lot of debate over what age is best for sex. Some say it's when a man's in his 20s and a woman reaches her 40s. Others say the best sex happens when you're in a loving relationship, and a third group reckons it's only when you're high, drunk or ensconced in a threesome that titillates the sexual senses.
Yet, if scientific research carried out by the Global Study of Sexual Attitudes and Behaviours is anything to go by, Hugh Hefner might not have been exaggerating that much after all when he claimed that he and ex-girlfriend Holly Madison were extremely "sexually compatible" despite the fact she's a whopping 60 years his junior ...
more- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
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Types of women that men marry
What type of women do men marry? It's a question that's long been shrouded in mystery, forcing women the world over to squander way too much time, energy and painful high heels in attempt to uncover the holy grail of the male-marrying equation.
"What type of women do they choose?" begs one. "Do men search for their soul mate or do they make their choice based on a woman's physical appearance?" asks another. "And if so, what the heck do they base their judgment based on?"
If a recent survey carried out by hairdresser Andrew Collinge (that quizzed 3000 men) is anything to go by, then the favoured aphorism that says "men are visual creatures hence judge women by the way they look" may in fact ring true.
The poll's conclusion? While men prefer blondes for girlfriends, most of them hope they'll marry a brunette ...
more- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
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Mistresses and seductresses
Mistress. Seductress. The other woman. One of the last unmentionable taboos that even I, after writing this column for the last few years, don't dare to touch, metaphorically speaking.
Yet with the news emerging that superstar chef and father-of-the-year Gordon Ramsay has been ensconced in a seven-year affair, (and which he has vehemently denied and is threatening to sue the newspaper that published the story), I felt (albeit unfortunately) that it's a topic that needs revisiting.
The story stated that Ramsay - the brash, boorish, offensive TV host who has a penchant for bad language and good food - has been doing the dirty behind his wife's back with a well-known British husband-stealer and professional seductress named Sarah Symonds.
Despite the fact that Ramsay is a twat to his staff and anyone who gets in his way, he's been largely forgiven for his previous antics as he's always promised us he's a doting father and a loving husband.
"Tana is my wife, my lover and the person I want in my bed and in my arms every night," he told The Times of London not too long ago.
But Ramsay's story aside, why do these tales of lust and betrayal continue to unfold? And who is to blame? ...
more- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
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Ooh la la: Do French women make the best lovers?
"The best mannered people make the most absurd lovers," - French philosopher Denis Diderot.
I once dated a man who was obsessed with learning the language of French and would waste endless hours every night scouring French textbooks instead of canoodling in the sack. When I asked him why he did it, he responded by telling me that French are more cultured, make better husbands and are betters lovers and that I should let him study his passion in peace. C'est vrai? (Was he serious?)
His wannabe-French ways got me thinking. Do French-speaking gents really possess that je ne sais quoi when it comes to impressing the opposite sex? Are they really better in the sack than their English-speaking counterparts? And if so, then why?
Some surmise that it's because the rest of the world take sex a tad too seriously to enjoy it. As French sexologist Dr Jacques Waynberg exhorts to the UK Telegraph: "The problem with sexuality is not a question of coldness or clumsiness. The problem is that you take sex too seriously, too ponderously, as something deeply personal and secret, to be hidden and discussed in whispers or, conversely, something smutty to be gossiped about."
Conversely, the French treat sex like they treat their drinking habits: "More lightly, as a game, something to be enjoyed." Hence they're having loads more sex than the rest of us. Especially when it comes to the French women ...
more- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
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Do Aussie men really need saving?
I have a confession to make: I love men. Aussie men to be exact. So you understand why I was enraged the other night when Channel Seven's Today Tonight ran a story entitled "Save The Males", expounding the notion that the Aussie macho man is a dying breed and he desperately needs "saving" in order to resuscitate him back to life.
The story surmised that our once tough, brash, sunburnt, sporting Aussie bloke has sadly "been replaced with a fashion conscious bloke who loves facials not football, lattes and bubbly not beer".
Now I'm not quite sure which pubs, clubs or manholes the reporter hangs out at, but I think it's sufficient to say that, over time, not only have Aussie men grown sexier, more rugged and more real with age, but they've surpassed most other men on the planet. (Besides, what's wrong with enjoying a little bubbly now and then anyway?)
Sure, they're starting to look after themselves a little better, are examining their need for genital body hair a little more closely, (although most would rather pash Amy Winehouse than wax it off), and many don't actually mind doing a little window shopping every once in a while ...
more- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
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Cougars, men and the age gap question
If you're to analyse the current sexual zeitgeist then you'd immediately notice that Cougars are out and about in full force. Which is great news for young blokes since men seem to love and revel in dating older women. They think they've scored the sexual jackpot: the ultimate "catch" who is more experienced and better rehearsed than they'll ever be. Hence they treat these women like a princess, adorn them with gifts, lavish them with compliments and are never too tired to perform in the sack. Besides, as they say, women peak sexually about 40, men at 25. So it's a match made in amorous dating heaven.
So much so that there are now specific websites and speed-dating events catered specifically for younger men searching for older women.
Yet, while oodles of women of a certain age are revelling in the attention from the younger blokes, there are still plenty of ladies who aren't that into baby-sitting their dates. Which, unfortunately for them, means that the dating game has become a little tougher.
This is all according to my bombshell single friend Katelyn, who has an interesting theory on the age-old age debate ...
more- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
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Social Faux Pas
You know immediately when you've made a social faux pas. Suddenly the room goes quiet; the person you've embarrassed goes whiter than Tom Cruise's teeth and, as drunk as you might be, you suddenly feel stone cold sober. Oops, you just wedged your foot firmly in your mouth, and often there's no taking it back.
There's never an easy way to recover from a social faux pas. Some recommend apologising profusely, others say it's best simply to avoid the person you've just embarrassed for the rest of your life. Either way, with all the new-fangled rules and regulations, it's best just to know what not to say in the first place ...
more- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
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How long does passion last?
When Marilyn Monroe played the iconic character of the 22-year-old "The Girl" in the 1955 flick The Seven Year Itch, a stir was caused among psychologists, pop culture analysts and couples alike. Never before had this ever been perceived to be a real threat to a relationship. Yet here it was, suddenly thrust into the spotlight and getting clucky women into a tizzy.
The premise of the seven-year itch?
The relationships starts, progresses and evolves. Everything is orgasmic, electrifying and passionate. That is, up until the relationship hits the dreaded seven-year mark. And suddenly things go mightily pear-shaped.
Monogamy is thrown out the window along with respect, love and commitment. There's a sudden itch, which needs to be scratched. Unfortunately, many relationships don't survive ...
more- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
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Dating scary men: six types women should avoid
"I didn't know he was like that," I often hear women say when they come to the realisation that the men they're dating are nothing remotely like the blokes they thought they were with. Especially after they sleep with them. Yup, sadly, it's all too common that a man suddenly morphs into one you're not quite that into once you've done the horizontal hanky panky, and you find yourself asking why you ever got involved with the cad in the first place.
So what goes wrong?
Perhaps it's the fear of the proverbial man drought in our midst that is causing single women to believe the only viable solution is to take what they can get, hence ignoring all the warning signs. Perhaps they have sex too soon. Or perhaps they simply don't value themselves enough to strive for someone who doesn't treat them mean in attempt to keep them keen.
So, buyer beware: there's an abundance of scary men out there who aren't what they seem, and I'm not talking about the ones who look so beefed up that they could have stepped right out of a David Attenborough special. (Although you might want to stay clear of those too ... )
more- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
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Sexual myths exposed
MYTH 1: Men want sex more than women
If we're to believe the ridiculous little factoid doing the rounds that men think about sex every seven seconds (and only 25 per cent of women think about it daily), then it makes complete sense to agree with all the hype that men want sex more than women do.
But, as my regular readers will know all too well, when it comes to bedroom prowess, never underestimate the sexual drive of women. (By the way, a recent survey discovered that only 23 per cent of men admit to fantasising regularly about sex so the seven-second theory has finally been proved false.)
True, the fairer sex are often the ones to feign a "headache", tiredness or exhaustion in an attempt to get out of some late night hanky panky but, according to sex expert Tracey Cox, men simply need to pick the right time of the month if they want to get lucky ...
more- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
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Desperate or creative?
When you're suffering from post break-up malaise and your sex life has about as much spark in it as a box of wet matches, something shady happens. You become a bona fide desperado. Suddenly you no longer view yourself as the "catch" you once thought you were; you start incessantly calling, texting and barraging exes, colleagues and anyone who will listen, and somehow morph into a desperate, clingy, whining singleton who will do anything (and anyone) to get some loving.
And it's not your fault either. Break-ups are never easy to endure. Especially when the arduous task of finding someone else lasts weeks, months and possibly even years, with no one you meet possessing that je ne sais quoi that you are so desperately searching for.
Unfortunately, the more you search, the harder it becomes to find "the one" because, says Laura Schlessinger, author of Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives, the more desperate you are, the more "women become a beggar, not a chooser". Hence their dating standards fly right out of the window.
While I (along with most of you) can attest to that, (complete turkeys suddenly become mightily appealing when you're in dire dating strife), Dr Schlessinger warns: "A lousy relationship is never better than no relationship at all."
Yet there are two people out there who don't support this mantra. Instead, their desperation cologne is stronger than ever. I'm talking about Aussie TV producer Gary Jarjoura and American comedian Anna Borkowsky. While living on opposite ends of the world, both had the crazy idea to do a sort of "auction" on their love lives online, and it seems to be working wonders ...
more- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
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Dating someone with an addiction
They say love is like a drug, able to provide so much tantalising pleasure that when it exits from your life you're bound to suffer from drug-withdrawal-like symptoms. Or so I expounded on yesterday's blog.
So why then are so many people these days obsessed with having to add a mood-enhancing stimulant into their loved-up picture?
I knew the topic needed to be broached after listening to the heart-rending tale of a super nice bloke who struggled to date an old friend because she had become reliant on crystal meth. Apparently the woman in question wasn't able to have sex (or even a good night out or in) without it.
Sadly, he eventually had to break it off with her despite genuinely being able to see a future together ...
more- Posted by Samantha Brett at 12:00 AM
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